Years ago, a good friend read my long posts on Facebook and suggested I move my writing to a legitimate blog. At the time, angst consumed me, and I shouted into the darkness. His suggestion intrigued me. This idea wouldn’t be that far-fetched; I kept an online journal many years before. However, the type and style of the writing would be different. This idea bounced around in my head for a while. I always intended to return to writing, but not like this.
As it happens, starting a blog would be relatively simple. You can register a domain for $20 a year; the price of hosting it will be a little more. That’s if you want your own distinctive home on the web; there are plenty of websites that will host your blog free of charge. However, I felt that if I wanted to do this legitimately, I should get my own domain. Then the gears started churning.
All it took was one friend suggesting that I should write again. That simple chat planted a seed that has grown into years of writing. I humbly thank (or perhaps curse?) him.
One small detour
Naturally, nothing ever goes as planned. Your domain name is your home on the web. You never really own it; you merely register that domain and references to it resolve to what you put there. I won’t bore you with the details on how it all gets routed. My geek friends already know, and my non-geek friends don’t care. However, the part that fits is that the domain registration needs to be extended each year. The best analogy is that you can rent the space as long as you want. As the current registrant, you have the option to keep that name before anyone else can claim it.
While I knew how I intended to write posts on this blog, I did not yet have a name for the site. However, I had registered a different domain name ten years earlier, with the intention of writing again. That domain sat dormant for those years, quietly mocking me as I paid the registration fees year after year. I subsequently came up with a slight change of plans. Since I already had the domain registered, I’d establish that blog first. The blog that was the birthplace of my newly established writing, that’d come second.
Rationally, it all made sense in my head. I’ll be using WordPress to launch both sites. I’ll be building the image resources by myself using Painter. The mechanical elements of establishing each blog would be similar. Whatever I learned from the first site, I’d apply to the second. That first site launched in February 2021, and this one launched two months later.
What’s in a name?
My new writing focused on civil rights. These posts are written to provoke thought. I understand that we often judge a book by its cover, even if the adage advises us against it. The blog name needed to convey both the idea that we improve over time, but also that we’re perpetually flawed. We improve through humility and the recognition that we cannot improve without making changes. After some thought, I landed upon the expression chink in the armor, which conveys both strength and imperfection. It being a reference to my Chinese heritage became the icing on the cake. The fact that it was derogatory amused me. This phrase is used frequently enough in language that it won’t necessarily read that way.
The writing started and flowed. Ideas filled my head for each blog, and I struggled to write them down quickly enough. Eventually, I settle into a pace where I alternate between the two blogs. I’ll post on this blog this week and on the other blog next week. The styles between the two blogs are different enough that posts continued to flow. Meanwhile, ideas continue to circulate in my mind throughout the day.
A tagline that I’ve used to describe this blog is “finding my imperfect self in an imperfect world.” I’ve spent much of my professional career as a software design engineer in test. Therefore, I find unconventional approaches to solving problems and subsequently breaking things. Similarly, I’ll compose blog posts with an unconventional twist to a couple of commonly held beliefs, designed to provoke thought. However, until now, I’ve been disproportionately focused on the ‘imperfect world’ part of that tagline, and rarely do I mention the ‘imperfect self’.
My imperfect self
I seldom talk about my ‘imperfect’ self, not because I don’t think I’m flawed, but mostly because I don’t find it interesting. While I’d like to believe that I’ve organized the ideas in my head pretty well, I will listen to opposing voices and concede (and apologize) when I’m wrong. I aspire to navigate life with humility and without ego. It occurs to me that my intuition (or perhaps a better term is emotional intelligence) reflects my life experiences. Here’s a glimpse into my mind through my history.
I was born in Spain to Chinese parents; we left before I could develop any childhood memories. We moved to Puerto Rico, where I developed my earliest memories. From the onset, I knew that I was different from the other students in Catholic school. We learned to speak Cantonese at home, and I learned Spanish in school. The people of Puerto Rico were generally kind, though I knew that I wasn’t like them. Eventually, they taught English (which I failed). In fact, 90% of the population in Puerto Rico is Catholic. Months after my father’s death, we moved to Fort Lauderdale.
We grew up with modest means. My mom provided us with what we needed; to get anything we wanted, we needed to work. I started working when I was twelve, washing dishes and busing tables; I continued working through college into today.
Though perhaps more interesting is what this tells you about me.
No unconditional acceptance
Many grew up in a single-language and single-culture environment, but I didn’t. It naturally means that I’d have a more diverse set of observations and experiences than they did. I do not say that to disparage them; those are simply the facts. Honestly, sometimes I envy that. Managing many choices can be daunting. For them, life may be easier with single-flavor soft-serve ice cream instead of going to Baskin-Robbins and choosing among 31 flavors.
I grew up among three communities: Cantonese, Puerto Rican, and American. They’re all inextricably integrated into my being. None is perfect; they’re each tainted with enough flaws where I do not unconditionally accept the teaching of any one community. Similarly, I do not unconditionally reject the teaching of any one community. The person I aspire to be has slivers of each community; labels do little to persuade or dissuade me. For instance, I believe in the American ideal of personal freedoms and liberties. However, I also value the Chinese principles of collectivism versus individualism. It depends on the particular issue.
To me, ‘conformity’ is a dirty word. I cannot bring myself to acquiesce even in the most trivial situations. As such, I do not cheer for any local sports team; I instead root against them. In fact, I often respond to references to teams as “we” or “ours” with resistance, “Oh, did ‘we’ defeat the 49ers? I don’t remember either one of us on that field.”
No blind faith
I attended Catholic school in Puerto Rico, where the population was 90% Catholic. We studied the bible back then, though I learned the names of all the apostles in Spanish. When we arrived in Florida, I discovered that a good friend was Jewish. I didn’t understand what that meant at the time. I have not spent significant time in the pages of any one particular book. However, I observe and listen to people and how they practice their faith.
I believe that the First Amendment got it right with the declaration, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” Even if this isn’t a Constitutional protection, we should conduct ourselves with grace among people of different religions. This includes those who do not practice any faith. However, I also believe that while you should have the opportunity to practice your faith, this is bound when you encroach on my freedom to practice mine.
I don’t dismiss the idea of a super-human, even benevolent being. However, I balk at unwavering support for any faith without the ability to question the way it is practiced. To stipulate the absolute correctness of “your faith” while asserting that all others are misguided is egocentric nonsense. Statistically, no religion in the world holds more than 29% of the world population. When you assert that your faith is the absolute truth, you’re similarly asserting that you discovered something that over 70% of the world population (5.83 billion people) missed.
First, I don’t believe that anyone is that clever. Second, you’re likely among the people who will try to legislate our laws to give your particular faith preferential treatment, which is, naturally, a Constitutional violation.
Dehumanization of others
I earned a minor in psychology; some studies intrigued me. In 1963, Stanley Milgram conducted psychological studies about obedience to authority. We found the results unexpected, if not even shocking (pun intended). While I won’t bore you with describing the studies, I will point out two variations to this study that I found especially interesting:
- Touch Proximity Condition (30% obedience) – The rate at which test subjects administered the electric shocks decreased with physical proximity to the person shocked.
- Social Support Condition (10% obedience) – The rate at which test subjects administered the electric shocks decreased even more when they observed someone who refused.
This teaches us two important lessons. First, the less we identify with a person, the more likely we are to harm them. Second, the more people we see in opposition, the more likely we are to refuse.
First, we’ll very cleverly use language to dehumanize others and make them “less like us,” in fact, less than human. To call anyone an ‘illegal’ robs them of their humanity; use ‘undocumented immigrant’ instead. The act of crossing the border without authorization is a misdemeanor. To reduce someone’s entire existence to one misdemeanor is grossly inhumane.
Naturally, this occurs with many other scenarios. Referring to adult females as ‘girls’ similarly diminishes their importance in society and their voice. Dehumanization starts with language. The next time someone points out that a particular term is no longer appropriate, I’ll urge you to listen instead of objecting to ‘wokeness’.
Second, if it only takes one person to stand in opposition to start that domino effect, I’ll do it. You can do it too. It only takes 3.5% of the population to stand in peaceful protest to affect change. The MeToo Movement started with one voice. Start with humanity and empathy.
A work in progress
As the tagline suggests, I concede that I’m not perfect. I conduct conversations with many people to get a wealth of perspectives. Years ago, a young teammate pushed back on something I said about the use of personal pronouns. I listened to them, and they convinced me to change my position on their use.
I may amend my position on certain issues over time, as I gain greater insight. There’s nothing especially shameful about being wrong or changing your stance on something; our lives are littered with little mistakes. Shame only lies in the inability to change.