I worked through college, nearly every weekend. I waited on tables in a number of Chinese restaurants. Mostly, I allowed the customers enough time to browse through the menu and jotted down their orders. Occasionally, I would answer their questions about particular menu items. Every once in a while, they’d ask me to recommend an item or help them narrow it down. After that it was about timing.
At a very basic level, waiting on tables simply involves getting people what they asked for. Naturally, subtle differences will enhance the experience. Timeliness matters, of course. Good presentation gets you brownie points. However, some exceptions exist; you can’t serve alcohol to underage drinkers. Though generally, that’s close to it; you get people what they want.
That said, upon graduating I’d leave it behind. While I conducted my work earnestly, I knew that my future involved engineering. Still, I aspire to remember my roots. This includes my time in the service industry.
Their choice, not mine
Patrons make their selection among a wealth of choices. It’s not my job to pass judgement on their choices. While I personally dislike pork egg foo young, if a person orders it, I’ll happily place the order and bring them that dish. That said, if you have questions about the menu, I’ll answer them. Even should I recommend one item over another, I won’t be offended if you pick a different item. It’s your meal; you’re the one who’ll eat it.
However, I personally have few restrictions in food choices. I have no health, religious, or ethical restrictions. Though even if I did, I would not impose them upon you. Again, it’s your meal; you’re the one who’ll eat it. Would it be fair for a Jewish waiter to deny you a bacon cheeseburger and question your life decisions? Merely mentioning that situation sounds absurd.
Now suppose your waitress is vegan and believes that “meat is murder”. We’ll gloss over the fact, that murder, by definition, involves killing a human. She does not have a legitimate reason to deny you the Filet Mignon at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. Ultimately, the direction of her moral compass does not matter. It’s your meal; you’re the one who’ll eat it. It’s her job to bring you what you selected.
I won’t go as far as saying that we need to compel her to bring me a slab of her lifelong companion that has been butchered, something which directly contradicts her moral compass. However, I will say that if she is unable or unwilling to bring me what I ordered, she should pick a different job. Very simple.
Protecting others from themselves
How about a situation that is more subtle? Suppose that I have a party of four on my table and some of them wear yarmulkas, which leads me to believe that they’re Jewish. If one should order the fried rice, I’ll mention that, unless otherwise specified, it’s prepared with roast pork. Many Jews abstain from eating pork, but not all of them do. I have Jewish friends who do not. While I believe that it’s appropriate for me to mention, it’s ultimately their decision to make.
It’s not up to me to decide how others should conduct their lives according to my perception of their moral compass. I may not deny a Jewish patron pork fried rice because I believe that they’d otherwise be a bad Jew. It’s their meal; they’re the ones who’ll eat it. Again, the need to mention this scenario seems profoundly absurd.
Similarly, I won’t tell you that I’ll force you to bring a Jewish person a pork chop when they order it if it’s against your principles. However, it is your job to bring them what they ordered. If you’re unprepared to do that, management should remove you from that position. Very simple.
Principles versus obstruction
While it appears that these two forces pull you in different directions, they do not oppose each other. They pivot around the nuanced point of the server’s intent, and yes, the reason matters:
- Does the waiter or waitress object to handling that food item themselves on principle?
- Does the waiter or waitress aim to obstruct the patron from getting the food item at all?
First, a vegan server may object to handling meat items. On one hand, we should not force you to do something that compromises your principles. However, if you choose to wait on tables, where serving meat is an instrumental part your job, you made a colossally poor choice. Pick a different job; people have the right to eat a steak.
Second, a vegan server wants to prevent other people from consuming meat. They intentionally applied for a job waiting on tables at a steakhouse in order to obstruct people from consuming meat. You believe that everyone should live by your standards, independent of what the laws say. You’re an asshole; get out of the way. People have the right to eat a steak.
I can somewhat understand the first, though really… Just go find a different job. As for the second, just live and let live. Stop being an asshole.
More than just food
In 2015, the US Supreme Court ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges. With this ruling, same-sex couples legally have the right to marry in all 50 states. Kim Davis, a county clerk in Kentucky, refused to issue a marriage license to a gay couple, defying that US Supreme Court ruling. She took office as county clerk in January 2015; the Supreme Court made this ruling in June 2015.
While it’s plausible that she didn’t anticipate this ruling when she took office, it transitively became her job when they issued the ruling. Her job includes issuing marriage licenses independent of the genders of the applicants. Even if you believe that homosexuality is sinful, for you to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple is not, in and of itself, your sin. If the county clerk is Catholic and doesn’t believe in divorce, can they refuse to issue marriage licenses to divorced applicants? If drinking is against your religion, can you refuse to issue liquor licenses?
Much like the vegan whose job is to serve a steak, I won’t force you to perform your job under duress. However, if you’re unwilling to do it, simply move over and allow someone else to do it on your behalf. Don’t deny couples the right to get married. Davis didn’t merely object to issuing marriage licenses under her name; she objected to same-sex couples getting marriage licenses at all. She even ran for the same county clerk position again in 2018 and lost.
Simply because you practice your faith, doesn’t mean that it’s not homophobic. To discriminate against gay people (such as issuing marriage licenses), is by definition, homophobia.