My parents immigrated three times, and twice during my lifetime.  First, they married in Hong Kong, then moved to Spain.  A couple of years past my birth, we moved to Puerto Rico.  We lived there until my father passed.  We planned to move to Florida, and the rest of us did within a year.  I won’t say that my life was full of strife; life is what you make of it.  I will say that it gave me a different perspective, and oftentimes it wasn’t voluntary nor necessarily welcomed.

I have spent my entire life as an outsider.  Among the most interesting parts of this difference is accountability.  In my high school English class, I was once called “sumo wrestler” by our class president.  My proportional response was to call him a “spook”.  Yes, he was black, and I knew it was a racial slur.  The moment that word escaped my lips, our teacher barked at me.  His uttering a slur was fine, but somehow my uttering a slur was not.  This incident repeated itself weeks later with precisely the same results.

The ugly truth is that this happens.  We unfairly impose different standards on different people.  We have either stopped noticing, or we rationalize it as ‘this is the way we’ve always done it’.  Allow this simple truth to sink in:  Neither ignorance nor status quo is an excuse for unfairness.  And neither is sheer laziness in figuring out how to make it work.

Supreme Court decision and abortion

There are many truly distressing elements of this stance and decision on abortion.  First, is it even human life if it’s not self-sufficient?  If I cannot survive without a respirator, am I even alive?  Second, when they say ‘all life is precious’ do they really mean it?  Are you willing to donate half your liver on that principle?  Should it be mandatory, can we simply carve it out of your body if it saves a life?  Third, some will maintain that it’s about accountability, this doesn’t pass the sniff test either.  Are we saying ‘accountability’ when we mean ‘culpability’?

While the above are viable points of discussion, we’ll set them aside for this post.  I’ll even take you at face value that you honestly mean accountability.  However, as mentioned above, I’ll challenge the notion that accountability is exercised fairly and uniformly.  It takes both a man and a woman for a pregnancy.  My paranoid suspicion is that this is simply a modern version of, please pardon the expression, slut shaming.  This Supreme Court ruling doesn’t hesitate to hold the women accountable.  How are we holding the men accountable?

Parental accountability

I’ll explicitly say that I disagree with this Supreme Court decision.  Suffice it to say, that the court (and many citizens) are comfortable with the idea of forcing a woman to hold the pregnancy to term against her will.  It will impact her life for at least months.  Please take a moment to reflect upon your own life, was there a particular setting where you may simply take a months-long hiatus?  Would high school be a convenient time to do it?  Is college any better?  Graduate school?  Your job may pay for maternity leave, but few employers guarantee the same position and job assignment upon your return.  Giving birth, especially for an unplanned pregnancy, may severely impact the trajectory of your life.  This is even if the mother gives up the child for adoption.  We do very little that impacts the men; after all, they’re literally 50% of that equation.

This is not retribution towards the men, though there’s an element of that which is wildly ironic.  Many will make the case that paying child support is a prime example of paternal accountability.  The interesting question becomes, “What is both a proportional and fair way to hold the fathers of such children accountable?”  The trick is to define a way by which establishing paternity is a natural part of the process and that it should be easy to discover.

Allow a petition for an abortion

Before you become unhinged, hear me out.  When a woman becomes pregnant in a pro-life state, she may petition to get a special dispensation for an abortion.  However, in order to do this, she must name the father.  The state may, of course, choose to deny that petition.  However, in order to deny that request, the state must:

• Establish paternity for this man.  Signed affidavit is fine but secure a DNA sample through warrant if he denies it.
• Add a public record that this man is the father of this child in a way that is easily discoverable and inexpungable.
• Do both of the above in a timely manner, say two weeks.

If the state fails or refuses to do any of the above, in order to give the mother every opportunity to establish a source of child support, then they must legally grant the petition for the abortion.  Pro-life states may still deny 100% of these petitions by the expecting mothers; all they’d need to do is establish paternity and make that a matter of public record in a timely manner.  That’s it.

How does that improve life for the mother?

The mother will at very least be able to hold the father accountable for child support as the child grows.  This is a benefit to both the mother and the child.  The more interesting question is how it affects the life of the father.  This paternity record becomes a permanent, inextricable part of his history; it will be tied to his social security number.

Job searches will naturally include looking at his credit history.  His potential employer will know that he has fathered a child; this may impact them if there’s a request to garnish his wages.  This is much like asking if he’s a US citizen, since it impacts their ability to employ him.  If they choose to withhold employment due to this fact, then he didn’t really want to work for them.

Applications for mortgages or credit cards will similarly list his paternal record.  If a person may list child support as a viable source of income, then child support may similarly be listed as a debt for the purposes of being turned down.  It’s not any different than listing any other outstanding loans that you have or leans against you.  It makes financial sense.

Lastly, all searches for marriage licenses will include them.  If you are about to marry a man, you’d want to know if that man has offspring.  This shouldn’t be a surprise; any reasonable man would’ve mentioned this before he becomes engaged.  Though it’s now inextricably part of his permanent record.

Basically, paternity becomes a matter of public record, much like home ownership or domain registration.  The fact that you fathered a child is now available to anyone who chooses to look.  This level of accountability is closer to the impact that we’d be imposing upon the mother of the child.

Why add more complicated legislation?

Fairness.  Pure and simple.

I understand that there’s the biological element of pregnancy and birth; I won’t deny that.  However, when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy, I often hear, “Don’t you think she should be held accountable?”  Well, it takes two to tango; what about the men?  Why do we tolerate gender bias when it comes to parental accountability?  Standards changed with the turn of the century; we can no longer shame women into chastity.  Gone is the expectation of a woman’s virginity upon marriage.  Are we using the threat of carrying a pregnancy to birth as a means to curb women’s promiscuity?  Again, what about the men?

Some say that this is the way we’ve always done it, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we should continue.  We didn’t allow black citizens or women to vote, until we did.  The idea that we should continue with a broken system simply because it is familiar is absurd.  How long are you willing to endure the burned-out light bulb on the porch?  Will you impede someone else when they take the initiative to change it?

It is time for change; stop impeding progress.  If you can’t lead or follow, have the common courtesy to get out of the way.